Heavy Heart

     This past week, I headed out to TN to visit a dear friend of mine I haven't seen in four years.  At some point, I will let ya'll know about my trip, but tonight I just want to cry.  
     
     Two of the men who deployed with Mr. Battle ended their lives this week.  Then I logged on to Facebook, noticed a blogger I have been following for several years finally posted again.  She has been AWOL since October.  I figured she was dealing with family, or her health issues, or the craziness that we have been.  Holiday season is a very difficult time of year for a lot of us.  Come to find out...her husband ended his life on New Years.  Reading her post was heartbreaking and terrifying.  I became an avid reader of her blog due to the sheer amount of similarities between their story and ours! 

     There are times when I complain about the things we have endured, Mr. Battle's behaviors, the sacrifices made and at times I think for what?!  THIS.  THIS IS FOR WHAT!  This is why we fight!  This is why we sacrifice!  This is why we continue to struggle, and go to appointments, and counseling, and keep in touch with the PD, FD, and paramedics!  And yet, it happens anyways!  The woman who writes that blog is strong, fierce, has sacrificed, advocated...she has done every. thing. 

     She has three boys.  Three boys who have fought the battle right along with them, and now have lost their father despite all of their love and hope.  The conversation they must have had...can you imagine?!  And this is happening to 22 families a day!  

     I cried for her family last night.  I cried for all of the families last night.  I cried for the veterans who felt this was necessary.  And I cried for us.  I cried for me.  I cried for Kid Battle.  I cried for Mr. Battle.  So many tears are shed, so much pain created, so much destruction left behind.  And there are no words.

     I will be praying for all of the victims of suicide, including the families.  I ask you to as well.  God bless you all.