Without Trust...

   

   Trust is a major issue in our world.  Mr. Battle gets mad and frustrated with me because I don't fully trust him--but why would I?  We are rebuilding and once you have betrayed your spouses trust, the only way to earn it back is to have a clean track record for however long until she feels comfortable with you in whatever area it was you betrayed her.  So for us, there is A LOT of trust issues.  Mr. Battle cheated many times with multiple women and has had some somewhat recent backpage logs--so we're still working on this one.  Mr. Battle has put us in financial ruins more than once and went out of control on his spending at Christmas (not as bad as he has in the past, but still a lot) so we're working on that.  Mr. Battle lied to me for years and still seems to think that white lies aren't real lies and he favors the phrase "don't worry about it."  

     What worries me more than anything is when he says, "Don't worry about it."  This is a HUGE red flag, siren, warning, flashing lights, the whole shabang.  What's so hard though is that we are trying to move forward.  I learn from my mistakes, so turning a blind eye and ignoring the warnings is not an option.  Mr. Battle would like it all to disappear like magic.  Unfortunately real life is nothing like the movies.  It's messy, and painful, and time consuming.  

     The hardest part (other than healing from past hurts) is that I want to trust him.  He's my husband, my partner, my battle, and my penguin.  Baby steps.

     So what happens when you are still working towards the trust?  Well, when your credit card is stolen and Mr. Battle decides to go somewhere other than the gym--then $300 on the card goes missing...yep!  The questions.  Alllllll the questions!  Was it actually stolen, or did Mr. Battle take it out of my wallet and use it towards something he doesn't want me to find out about?  Is he telling the truth?  Should I feel bad for doubting him, or should I continue to doubt him?  Supposedly he reported it missing to the bank, but unless the money is refunded back to the account, I won't know for sure since the bank won't talk to me about his credit cards.

     Any one else been here?  Let me know!

God Bless!